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The Second Tower of Babel

35.8k Graingy  1.6 years ago

Forgive any mistakes, for I have not read The Book of Genesis, or any "real" religious scripture for that matter (not counting the Tank Encyclopedia article for the Maus or IS-7, of course)


The Tower of Babel is an origin myth from The Book of Genesis. It attempts to explain how the different languages and peoples of the world came to be. It explains that long ago, a unified humanity speaking in one tongue settled down and decided to build a tower to touch the sky.
God saw this, and made it so the people spoke different languages, scattering them across the world. To humble them, I've the impression.
Of course, nowadays we know that such a thing could not have happened. Humans spread far and wide much too early.
Despite this, I believe I have found, no, created the successor to this legendary structure...


The Second Tower of Babel, as I've taken to calling it, is a stack of 4 wide, flat cookies. The cookies have mini M&Ms mixed in, along with sprinkles. Coloured sugar and rainbow, to be specific. On top of each was pressed 5 gummy bears, and one of them has fragments of potato chips on it.
I invoked the wrath of the divine.
The gummy bears melted through like some sort of colourful Spicy Chum Surprise. They went full China Syndrome on me, leaving gummy bear-shaped holes as if they fell from great height in a cartoon.
Not only Did it look horrible, it tasted horrible.
These cookies received naught but ridicule from my comrades, something I joined in on of course.
Still, the mistake was made, the deed done, and the chips eaten.
This thing is what will cast humanity back into the darkness, back into chaos.
And it is all my fault.
For in my hubris, I have gone against the will of the universe and culinary world.
On God, what have I done?

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    70.1k Monarchii

    @Graingy nah, I'm elected to say that's a good bad joke, I would know, I'm the chairman of something tangible, I think.

    one month ago
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    35.8k Graingy

    @Monarchii no it is not lol

    one month ago
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    70.1k Monarchii

    @Graingy so bad it's good, damn

    5 months ago
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    35.8k Graingy

    @Monarchii It's literally the worst kind
    and that's why it's so great

    6 months ago
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    70.1k Monarchii

    @Graingy okay that's actually kinda good dammit, my humour is fwked

    7 months ago
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    35.8k Graingy

    @Monarchii Put a shoe up on a step before putting them on to walk dog, sister was coming along with.
    Said "next level shoes"
    the laughter was the most awkward yet not kind
    was weird
    horrible joke

    +1 7 months ago
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    70.1k Monarchii

    @Graingy do tell so i can torture you :3

    7 months ago
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    35.8k Graingy

    @Monarchii No, as in it's one I told my sister many years ago and it was so ungodly dumb
    I'll never forget.

    +1 7 months ago
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    70.1k Monarchii

    @Graingy no, I'm not that much cultured sadly

    7 months ago
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    35.8k Graingy

    @Monarchii next level shoes.
    One of the dumbest puns I ever made and you don’t know the context :)

    +1 7 months ago
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    70.1k Monarchii

    EXPRESS FOOTWEAR!!

    7 months ago
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    70.1k Monarchii

    @Graingy SHOESAPULT

    7 months ago
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    35.8k Graingy

    @Monarchii Wait no-

    7 months ago
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    70.1k Monarchii

    @Graingy SANDALAPULT

    7 months ago
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    35.8k Graingy

    @Monarchii This is catapult!
    It pults cata!

    7 months ago
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    70.1k Monarchii

    @Graingy DONT LAUNCH CATS

    7 months ago
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    35.8k Graingy

    @Monarchii catapult!

    7 months ago
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    70.1k Monarchii

    @Graingy I'm lazy though

    8 months ago
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    35.8k Graingy

    @MonarchiiwithastolenMG Could be useful

    8 months ago
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    70.1k Monarchii

    @Graingy the uhh.. I think it was against the MWBS something something I forgot, idk

    8 months ago
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    35.8k Graingy

    @MonarchiiwithastolenMG I have no memory of that?
    Are you sure that wasn't a dream?

    8 months ago
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    70.1k Monarchii

    @Graingy didn't we settled my allegiance like a while ago? something about the eggplant catapult or something, that one didn't even make it past development stage, hell, forget it being development, it didn't even make it on paper *CAWK*

    8 months ago
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    35.8k Graingy

    @MonarchiiwithastolenMG What per- oh right. The phone.
    Wait, are you pledging allegiance to the Eel Protectorate?
    Or is this like how the US gave Ukraine weapons without actually getting involved?

    8 months ago
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    70.1k Monarchii

    god ima make a spigot potato mortar for the eel protectorate when I come back from the peril I am in

    8 months ago
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    70.1k Monarchii

    fwk, that one is so good

    8 months ago
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