Yay clickbait!
I shall now tell you all a tale, young ones…
In my third forum post today yeah I have a problem.
I’m just gonna ramble now trust me this has a plot and everything it’s amazing.
(Mods if you want me gone pretty please tell me :3 I’d rather commit sudoku than die without honour)

Anyways I’m typing this on an iPhone 6S so cut me some slack with errors and stuff, ‘kay?

The other night (November 19-20) it was late. Very late, as I have other issues. Anyways, my phone, the one I’m typing this on, had died. It reads battery health of 55% but I’m certain that’s just as low as it can read, and is actually much, much lower.
Yes, it was dead. So, I plugged it in. But… it didn’t turn on. I had this happen occasionally before, and I was worried. After all, this thing has a headphone jack and not a shitty dongle! Also, like, almost 500 tabs. Or over. Idk I need to count.
But yes, this had happened before. Usually it had a couple percent left, but not this time. Over the last few times, however (maybe just the last time unimportant), I had noticed that my bedside fan was, like, super slow. So I turned it on.
Lo and behold, it was slow as balls! Still a blur, but, like, weak and quiet and stuff.
… side note I feel like an old author tapping away on a typewriter by the light of a kerosine lamp. Huh.
So yeah fan slow. Unplugged it, tried another outlet that didn’t have a power bar/slab/whatever it’s called when it just covers the entire outlet, and tied another one. Still slow. Dragged it downstairs and tried again. Still slow.
Something must be up with the house itself, if not the grid (though that seems unlikely, considering the consequences of such a thing going unannounced).
Now, by this point I had given up. Phone was dead, nothing I could do, one in the morning and I had to be up at six thirty.
I cleaned my fan off.
That thing was DUSTY.
Fingers got all sticky and stuff using wet paper towels. Does dust do that when it gets wet?
Anyhoo, brought it back upstairs, but still I would not be defeated!
DSi XL time. Yum.
I do own a New 3DS XL, but it’s majorly screwed up so I just… ignore it, like the USSR ignored the disabled.
DSi had an internet browser. Has/had.
Tried connecting to wifi, previous attempts had failed. Couldn’t find my network.
Tried advanced sign in or search or connection or whatever options. Found it! Somehow.
But the password had an @ and the symbol keyboard switch-to buttons didn’t work for that sort of thing so I gave up and assumed I’d need to have the password changed.
Fast forward to like an hour ago… I’ve been typing for like 15 minutes lol.
So, tried again for some reason and, surprise, I’m an idiot!
There’s a shift key.
slams head into wall metaphorically
It worked. Somehow. Somehow the ancient DSi could connect to modern wifi.
So I checked out the internet browser.
The ancient DSi browser could not connect to modern websites.
Tried an old-browser search engine I’d never heard of before, FrogFind I think, but it seemed to be having an issue.
I was giving up…
BUT THEN!!!!!!!
OUR HERO!
IN A VERY SCREWED UP WAY!
BECAUSE IT’S KINDA LIKE HOW A LITERAL NAZI WAS THE GOOD GUY AT NANKING!
Having remembered a conversation I’d had just an hour or two prior, I remembered it.
A website without change.
A website both active and ancient.
A website where seemingly every person has committed some unspeakable act against a plastic toy or a bathtub or a computer screen!
I typed in the name.
Google found the page link.
I pressed it…
It was done.
Inhales

4CHAN WORKS ON NINTENDO DSI!!!!!!!!!!

(at a glacial pace and most probably only under the condition that you turn off photo download in browser settings)
Will this information benefit me?
Hell no.
But in my brief quest for forbidden knowledge, at least I learned something…
And now wonder how many lasers it’d take to burn a tank look I’m not a 4Channer I wanted to test that the site actually worked and I wasn’t going it click on some (especially) weird board. /K/ it was.
Goodnight everybody. I regret so, so, so much.