And a thesaurus!

"Oh, what a day I’ve had! Only a paltry time ago I was granted audience with the austere leader of the new state in the east and its nebulous revolution. This was no quotidian affair for me, so I was bound to impress with my lexicon! I Poured through my tomes, mercurial in how to present myself. I didn’t want to seem some craven sycophant, no, I needed to be the quintessential raconteur, bereft of avaricious ennui! Alas, upon my meeting, partway through my second tale, I was suddenly castigated by my host! The misanthrope! He told me my parlance was blatantly, egregiously mawkish. My supposed dearth of meaningful contribution, instead set to prate, gained me no favour within his court. If I was without substance in conversation, I could leave. And so I did! I figured it the sagacious move, to preserve my dignity."

-The guy I coached to meet Ivan Ivanovich of the Soviet Unity.