NFK: Hey Paternia! Can I ask you a favor?
Paternia: Sure NFK! Is that an axe in your head?
NFK: Yeah. You see, we're kind of in a war with Persia. It's complicated, but we need your help.
Persia: Die infidels!
Paternia: flashbacks to the Sanctan Empire
Paternia: We'll help. Persia, prepare to fight a ghost army.
Persia: That sounds OP.
Paternia: Not really.
Persia: I suppose so. You have joined the infidel army, where Allah's sword will smite you from the Earth! We will take your land, piece by piece.
Paternia: Okay.
Persia: So, you're just gonna let us?
Paternia: Yep.
Persia: Weaklings. I shall walk in and--
Paternia: BLAM You really think we'd give you the land without a fight?
Persia: That didn't hurt at all. Your pump shotgun is terrible. You didn't even hit my vitals. I've seen Nerf guns that hid harder. I'll show you my firepower BAM
Paternia: Yeah, but your left lung and heart is gone. And you just shot me in the chest with a Five-Seven. You think you can hurt me with puny bullet?
Persia: Did not hurt me at all.
Paternia: BLAM Your other lung is gone.
Persia: We can still fight! And we'll show you we can fight! BAMBAMBAM
Paternia: Same here. BLAM And there goes your kidney. BLAM And there goes your other kidney.
Persia: How could you? We shot you three times in the head? And we still have our arms.
Paternia: Helmets, sir. Graphene-Kevlar laminate to be specific. And no, you don't have your arms.
Persia: Impossible! Those bullets could go through it!
Paternia: Nope. Didn't go through. Superior manufacturing techniques for the win! Imma go off now. Have fun chasing me without feet!
Persia: We shall pursue you relentlessly like the coward you are. You shall feel the wrath of Damascus steel. throws axe into back
Paternia: Well, that hurt a lot. BLAM
Persia: BAMBAMBAMBAMBAM
Paternia: click Oh well, might as well reload.
Persia: Hehehe, you can't even hurt me with that shotgun. I, as you can see, am not hurt.
NFK: He literally blew off all your limbs.
Persia: I'll show you "Blow off all your limbs!" Here's my RPG! FWOOSH BOOOOMMMM
NFK: Didn't hurt me at all.
Persia: You literally got hit in the face with an RPG.
NFK: You missed.
Persia: I hit you in the face with an RPG. Now turn into little giblets like the laws of physics demand you to.
NFK: Sigh I'll let Paternia do all the talking. Paternia, you cool with that?
Paternia: Yep!
Persia: Whelp, I suppose I'll take these. grabs clay
Paternia: grabs clay It's mine.
Persia: No, it's mine.
Paternia: Uh-uh. It's mine.
Persia: jams gun to head See, I have gun to head!
Paternia: swats gun Not anymore.
Persia: jams it back in Yes is.
Paternia: I'd doubt you'd be able to shoot. By the way, the safety's on.
Persia: checks safety
Paternia: takes out shotgun Tricked ya. That's a Glock. It has no safety.
Persia: jams gun to head You cannot fool me so easily.
Paternia: You sure? The loaded chamber indicator on your gun tells me it isn't loaded.
Persia: checks indicator
Paternia: jams shotgun into crotch Gotcha again. It was loaded.
Persia: jams gun into head You cannot fool me anymore with your cheesy tricks! I shall just blow your head off, but you are not worth the ammunition.
Paternia: I'd blow your balls off, but you don't got any.
Persia: SHUT UP. THEY ARE THE BIGGEST IN THE WORLD!

Twelve hours later...

GoldenEagle: yawns Ahh, what a relaxing rest! What's going on in the world today?
whistle of HVAP round goes over the head
GoldenEagle: looks around What the fu...
Persia: YOUR TANK IS A PIECE OF JUNK! I'VE SEEN MORE EFFECTIVE TOYS IN BATTLE!
Paternia: IT'S THE BEST TANK IN THE WORLD! IT'S VIRTUALLY THE GOD OF ALL TANKS!
Persia: UH-UH. FIRST, THERE IS ONLY ONE GOD IN THIS WORLD. MY GOD. SECOND, MY TANK IS BETTER THAN YOURS!
Paternia: OBJECTIVELY, YOUR TANK SUCKS! IT HAS NO ARMOR, NO SPEED, AND NO GUN!
Persia: IT HAS EVERYTHING!
Paternia: THAT'S LITERALLY IMPOSSIBLE!
GoldenEagle: sighs loudly Here we go again.

Characters:

PINK as NFK
Pilotmario as Paternia
MemeKingIndustriesAndMegaCorporation as Persia
GoldenEagle as himself. Or herself. Or themself. Or itself. Tumblr taught me to not assume things so easily.

Thanks for reading!