@Spinnes Mostly I'am feeling better. I dont know if i have autism still, a lot of signs both do and dont point to it. Like i said, I think it's better to find out later than now.

@Spinnes Autism has seemed to occur much more often in the past 20 years, i think its not that we have not recorded it, its just that we tolerate it a lot more often in this era. Frankly, i would hate to have autism, to just find it out would change my behavior i would think. I probably couldn't live with it, the fact that once people find out about it they treat you differently for the rest of your time on this earth. I would probably tell no one if i found out, and if i did i would probably end my own life within a year. I tend to dwell on things, and i think if something affected my everyday life it would make me wish for death. I barely believe in a god too, just the thought of ceasing to exist in an eternity of nothingness is better than being treated differently for the rest of your life. I may have to get tested in the future, but part of me thinks its better just not to know. I'm going in the Air Force once i get older, i guess ill just find out then. If i do have it, i probably wont be able to even do what I've wanted to all of my life. If i do have autism, i dont want to be an exception to the rule and allowed in the air force because they will be more accepting of people with problems. So, either way when i find out, I wont get what i want and i will probably hate myself for the rest of my life. So now im really scared and stressed out and actually do feel like crying. I guess i just have the joy of not knowing for about 6 more years and the stress of thinking about it for about the same time.

@Spinnes And i would not receive much of an answer after about a year's work?

@Spinnes by haziness do you mean how it was unclear?

@Spinnes Interesting. To be honest, i thought the same thing near the beginning of the year that i may have some sort of a mental disorder. I have never been tested for any disorders, but i have always had a suspicion that everyone is keeping something from me. They treat me different, almost drove me to insanity thinking about it. However, I dont think i will ever know, I've worked on tracking and finding what made people treat me the way they do for about a year. It could just have to do with my past and maybe they feel sorry for the things that have happened to me; but I dont know. I used to cry a lot, now i dont. I guess it just could be because im getting older or the fact that I have just gotten used to all of the bad things happening to me.

@Spinnes really? Explain

@EliteIndustries1 No,you weren't annoying last night at all. I guess I kind of can understand that it would be hard with that kind of logic that you are either considered terrible and liked by your group or you are considered normal and not known very well throughout the community.

@Delphinus thank you :D

@EliteIndustries1 Interesting, I have never really met any emos in person that i can remember. I will abide by what you said, and so if i ever meet an emotional then i can try to not annoy them or agitate them by asking them questions. I would imagine you would get annoyed being asked a lot about the same thing all the time. I guess it's just the fact that there are few emos and whenever people hear the word emo they often picture goths, black clothing, dark emotion, etc. So they ask them the same questions because they have only seen or heard of them on TV and they may think of it as funny or possibly interesting. I dont really know what that's like to be part of something like that, I have very little emotion and empathy due to my past, and I have never been a part of a group like that.

@Visify thank you, i shall try :D

You sound like a cool dude. dont worry bro, focus on school and whatever you like doing and everything will be alright!

Damn son

@saturn28 thank you, i hope it actually is a turnaround and not something false

@EliteIndustries1 I'm not exactly a positive person, im a logical realist who looks at the facts and not the fantasy. I guess you could call that being negative, but i cant really control it because im who i'am. I'm the type of person that would seem to be almost completely contrary to the emotional norms of today. I don't cry, I'm mostly emotionally tough, and I dont really express love for the majority of things. I'm not beautiful, I have to accept that, I'm socially awkward, have to accept that too. Everyone has some flaws, some more than others, and i guess people just have to accept it, as do I.
As I said, I'am different than mostly everyone you will ever communicate with. From that song, I did gather something i enjoy more than all emotion: pride. The hope that makes you lead the great armies of light into the hellish eternal depths of fear. I must say, it was very interesting. The art style was very Gothic and depressing, yet the people who had survived that seemingly terrible apocalypse quote "carried on". I liked it, kind of made me believe that I had a quest to complete as do most prideful songs have such affects on me. I wouldn't put it on repeat for an hour, but it is pretty good. I was surprised, most modern music i hate to listen too, this was an exception to that rule.

I'm glad life is goung back uphill. Life is a swift kick to the you know where. The point is to be able to get back up stronger, ready for the next kick. Humans are social creatures who can help each other up from that kick. Be carful because they can also push you back down. (Point: Life is hard, pick good friends and be around your family, then you will succeed when life gets tough again because you will have people to help you up.)

@EliteIndustries1 why would they want to feature all of my planes? I barely think i deserve the one XD

@EliteIndustries1 wait, i dont understand, can you please explain to me your cause?