Bear with me, even if you don’t want to hear what I have to say...
Please bear with the language. I just need to get this out, and vent freely to the developers, moderators, and fellow builders. None of this is directed at anyone, and I mean no harm...

It’s been quite rough with building recently... I’ve been out of ideas for months. and I don’t know what do to anymore. It seems like building an aircraft is impossible, and when I see an almost perfect replica, I just can’t stop thinking “How is it that when I put a creation out there I get nothing and someone else gets all the attention/praise for it.”

Now I’m not saying this crap because I want the attention, or drama. I’m just saying what I’m feeling. I’ve tried to get help from friends in the Simpleplanes community with building, but I never get it. Or, I get it, then it seems to just stop and mysteriously go away.
(Sarcasm...)

It does spark a fire inside me, and not a fine one when I don’t get the help that I need. I know I seem like a shitty beggar or pathetic person who can’t fend for themselves, and like someone who is annoying.

I can tell when someone doesn’t want me to be talking; to them or in general, or even just being in their sight/life. I know that I always seem to cause conflicts with others all the time when I ask for stuff or parts, but I don’t mean the harm that I cause... When something I don’t want, or something negative happens, my anger is like a tank getting its ammunition hit. I’ll explain the similarities between the two:

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When I say something, or do something negative or unnecessary.

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(Me firing a shell at the target)

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When people comment or act on my action in a mocking, rude or aggressive tone.

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(Getting shot in the ammunition)

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That fuse just got cut from 100 feet, to 4 feet.

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(Ammunition catching fire, and pressure building)

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I can be nice one second, then the next, a nasty and unheard of monster... I go off within a second of something going down, and it isn’t pretty when I do...

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(Flames reach out, shoot out of turret, explosion occurs)

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It takes me about 30 minutes, to a whole day to notice what I had just did. Whether it was me swearing off at someone, or criticizing their creations. Right when it hits me; what I did, I want to go back... back to that exact second before I did those actions, and change them. But I just can’t... once the actions are taken, they can’t be taken back. It racks at my mind, and it traumatizes me to know what I did to that person. To think about what they may have been going through, or what their intent was, and how I just took them down, not thinking before I did. I just can’t forget my actions, I can’t forgive myself.

I just want to say I’m eternally sorry for all my negative actions that I have done. These actions make me seem like a retarded bitch; something I really am not. They make me look like an immature, rude, inconsiderate and ignorant individual that no one wants to be around. I know these actions I have taken have caused people to hate me, and want nothing to do with me. I realize that it is far from possible for me to regain my reputation, and that it is scarred permanently.

I’m sorry for my negativity.
I’m sorry for my words.
I’m sorry for my lack of attention.
I’m sorry for my rudeness.
I’m sorry for my insensitivity.
I’m sorry for not being sorry.

I’m sorry...