Right week two! Just the short one this week though it's not as weak as last week's... (at least by my taste).
- ! - Disclaimers this time:
- Do not do what is said in this joke unless you really think they might benefit you, in which case I deny any responsibilities: if you wanna do something stupid, that's your choice but for * sakes, do it properly and try not to hurt yourself!
- and like last times, these jokes are not written by me and may not be to your taste and quite weak...
AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES
IF YOU'RE CHOKING ON AN ICE CUBE, SIMPLY POUR A CUP OF BOILING WATER DOWN YOUR THROAT. PRESTO! THE BLOCKAGE WILL INSTANTLY REMOVE ITSELF.
AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.
AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.
FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.
A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.
IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.
YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.
REMEMBER - EVERYONE SEEMS NORMAL UNTIL YOU GET TO KNOW THEM.
IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.
DAILY THOUGHT:
SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.
@Tums Thanks!
@VerldVarIII Thanks!
@Mmdben XD Thanks! there are a few others if you want ^_^
Top quality post I'm reading here.
The last one though...
XD
LMAO
I'm dying XD @Squirrel
This is gold
Lol yes @Andrewtheplane
lmao
I beg to differ if you can't fix it with a hammer try this and if that doesn't work ... and if that doesn't work it must be a electrical problem
this is very usful and helped me live my life normally cough cough
Best jokes I’ve seen on SimplePlanes
Instructions not clear. Pushed hammer down the stairs onto a can of WD40, poured hot water on damaged can which promptly exploded and took out the kitchen sink. Now the sink won't stop arguing and the vegetables won't stop choking on ice cubes.
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Also, because the kitchen sink is broken I have to get someone else to help me go to the toilet on my mouse trap. Which is on top of my alarm, so now I can't wake up for work on time.
.
Normal person, send help... and some duct tape because my blockage pressure is too high
Phenomenal just amazing
@Minecraftpoweer @MethaManAircraft KV-2, nothing more, nothing less
@Minecraftpoweer Igor! I have it! bringing IS 7 just in case!
IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, BORROW A SICKLE.
@randomusername thanks! that was VERY quick