Well as whoever still even cares about following this account on this website have observed, my upload rates are fairly minimal. This is mainly due to being busy AF at school and also not wanting to upload the constantly increasing number of almost but not quite entirely unfinished projects (tag me if you get the reference ;-) ).

However, I have thought of something other to do... And that is to upload, once a week (Saturday), in alphabetical order a joke from a HUGE folder of jokes that have been accumulated in the family from pretty much the very early days of networking and internet (late early 90s). This in order to not feel bad about publishing nothing of any consequence. ;D

As it is my birthday today and I have just been sent an engineers' joke, I thought it would be appropriate to start this with the next joke/text.
-!- (remember these are mainly 90s joke and might be a little week or explicit, I didn't write them myself)
-!- (MODS: If these get too rude or anything please tell me and I'll upload the next one in the list)

Here goes:

Engineers Explained

People who work in the fields of science and technology are not like

other people. This can be frustrating to the nontechnical people who

have to deal with them. The secret to coping with

technology-oriented people is to understand their motivations. This

chapter will teach you everything you need to know. I learned their

customs and mannerisms by observing them, much the way Jane Goodall

learned about the great apes, but without the hassle of grooming.

Engineering is so trendy these days that everybody wants to be one.

The word "engineer" is greatly overused. If there's somebody in your

life who you think is trying to pass as an engineer, give him this

test to discern the truth.

ENGINEER IDENTIFICATION TEST

You walk into a room and notice that a picture is hanging crooked.

You...

A. Straighten it.

B. Ignore it.

C. Buy a CAD system and spend the next six months designing a

solar-powered, self-adjusting picture frame while often stating aloud

your belief that the inventor of the nail was a total moron.

The correct answer is "C" but partial credit can be given to anybody

who writes "It depends" in the margin of the test or simply blames

the whole stupid thing on "Marketing."

SOCIAL SKILLS

Engineers have different objectives when it comes to social

interaction.

"Normal" people expect to accomplish several unrealistic things from

social interaction:

*Stimulating and thought-provoking conversation

*Important social contacts

*A feeling of connectedness with other humans

In contrast to "normal" people, engineers have rational objectives

for social interactions:

*Get it over with as soon as possible. *Avoid getting invited to

something unpleasant. *Demonstrate mental superiority and mastery of

all subjects.

FASCINATION WITH GADGETS

To the engineer, all matter in the universe can be placed into one of

two categories: (1)things that need to be fixed, and (2)things that

will need to be fixed after you've had a few minutes to play with

them. Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems

handily available, they will create their own problems. Normal

people don't understand this concept; they believe that if it ain't

broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it

doesn't have enough features yet.

No engineer looks at a television remote control without wondering

what it would take to turn it into a stun gun. No engineer can take

a shower without wondering if some sort of Teflon coating would make

showering unnecessary. To the engineer, the world is a toy box full

of sub-optimized and feature-poor toys.

FASHION AND APPEARANCE

Clothes are the lowest priority for an engineer, assuming the basic

thresholds for temperature and decency have been satisfied. If no

appendages are freezing or sticking together, and if no genitalia or

mammary glands are swinging around in plain view, then the objective

of clothing has been met. Anything else is a waste.

LOVE OF "STAR TREK"

Engineers love all of the "Star Trek" television shows and movies.

It's a small wonder, since the engineers on the starship Enterprise

are portrayed as heroes, occasionally even having sex with aliens.

This is much more glamorous than the real life of an engineer, which

consists of hiding from the universe and having sex without the

participation of other life forms.

DATING AND SOCIAL LIFE

Dating is never easy for engineers. A normal person will employ

various indirect and duplicitous methods to create a false impression

of attractiveness. Engineers are incapable of placing appearance

above function.

Fortunately, engineers have an ace in the hole. They are widely

recognized as superior marriage material: intelligent, dependable,

employed, honest, and handy around the house. While it's true that

many normal people would prefer not to date an engineer, most normal

people harbor an intense desire to mate with them, thus producing

engineerlike children who will have high-paying jobs long before

losing their virginity.

Male engineers reach their peak of sexual attractiveness later than

normal men, becoming irresistible erotic dynamos in their mid

thirties to late forties. Just look at these examples of sexually

irresistible men in technical professions:

• Bill Gates.

• MacGyver.

• Etcetera.

  Female engineers become irresistible at the age of consent and remain

  that way until about thirty minutes after their clinical death.

  Longer if it's a warm day.

  HONESTY

  Engineers are always honest in matters of technology and human

  relationships. That's why it's a good idea to keep engineers away

  from customers, romantic interests, and other people who can't handle

  the truth.

  Engineers sometimes bend the truth to avoid work. They say things

  that sound like lies but technically are not because nobody could be

  expected to believe them. The complete list of engineer lies is

  listed below.

  "I won't change anything without asking you first." "I'll return your

  hard-to-find cable tomorrow." "I have to have new equipment to do my

  job." "I'm not jealous of your new computer."

  FRUGALITY

  Engineers are notoriously frugal. This is not because of cheapness

  or mean spirit; it is simply because every spending situation is

  simply a problem in optimization, that is, "How can I escape this

  situation while retaining the greatest amount of cash?"

  POWERS OF CONCENTRATION

  If there is one trait that best defines an engineer it is the ability

  to concentrate on one subject to the complete exclusion of everything

  else in the environment. This sometimes causes engineers to be

  pronounced dead prematurely. Some funeral homes in high-tech areas

  have started checking resumes before processing the bodies. Anybody

  with a degree in electrical engineering or experience in computer

  programming is propped up in the lounge for a few days just to see if

  he or she snaps out of it.

  RISK

  Engineers hate risk. They try to eliminate it whenever they can.

  This is understandable, given that when an engineer makes one little

  mistake the media will treat it like it's a big deal or something.

  EXAMPLES OF BAD PRESS FOR ENGINEERS

• Hindenberg.

• Space Shuttle Challenger.

• SPANet(tm)

• Hubble space telescope.

• Apollo 13.

• Titanic.

• Ford Pinto.

• Corvair.

  The risk/reward calculation for engineers looks something like this:

  RISK: Public humiliation and the death of thousands of innocent people.

  REWARD: A certificate of appreciation in a handsome plastic frame.

  Being practical people, engineers evaluate this balance of risks and

  rewards and decide that risk is not a good thing. The best way to

  avoid risk is by advising that any activity is technically impossible

  for reasons that are far too complicated to explain.

  If that approach is not sufficient to halt project, then the engineer

  will fall back to a second line of defense: "It's technically

  possible but it will cost too much."

  EGO

  Ego-wise, two things are important to engineers:

• How smart they are.

• How many cool devices they own.

  The fastest way to get an engineer to solve a problem is to declare

  that the problem is unsolvable. No engineer can walk away from an

  unsolvable problem until it's solved. No illness or distraction is

  sufficient to get the engineer off the case. These types of

  challenges quickly become personal -- a battle between the engineer

  and the laws of nature.

  Engineers will go without food and hygiene for days to solve a

  problem. (Other times just because they forgot.) And when they

  succeed in solving the problem they will experience an ego rush that

  is better than sex--and I'm including the kind of sex where other

  people are involved.

  Nothing is more threatening to the engineer than the suggestion that

  somebody has more technical skill. Normal people sometimes use that

  knowledge as a lever to extract more work from the engineer. When an

  engineer says that something can't be done (a code phrase that means

  it's not fun to do), some clever normal people have learned to glance

  at the engineer with a look of compassion and pity and say something

  along these lines: "I'll ask Bob to figure it out. He knows how to

  solve difficult technical problems."

  At that point it is a good idea for the normal person to not stand

  between the engineer and the problem. The engineer will set upon the

  problem like a starved Chihuahua on a pork chop.

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PS: I know the formatting has gone weird, will fix ASAP
PS2: Hey that's a gaming console!
PS3: ok done that joke
PS4: well that's more up to date
PS5: this is getting interesting and boring at the same time...
PS6: congrats for whoever read all the way to the end/ skipped (comment if you did XD)
PS7: This is serious now, it's been 2 years on this website now and I am amazed to still see so little salt/hate even after 4 years of the game! Love it! well done Jundroo!